Two Chairs

How is a break from therapy different from termination?

The same questions need to be looked at when a patient decides to take a break from therapy as when she decides she wants to terminate — Why now? Is there something being avoided? It is not that a break is a bad thing but, as with anything in therapy, the reasons and feelings behind it need to be explored. Because that is a big part of what therapy is about. In therapy every little movement really does have a meaning all its own.*

In most relationships, announcing you want to take a break usually amounts to ending the relationship. And my experience has been more often than not that patients who announced they wanted a break were actually wanting to end without taking the time to really work through an ending process. So it is important to be as clear in yourself what wanting a break is about for you and what your intentions are. Is a break really what is called for or are you avoiding something in the therapy? Are there issues with the therapist that need to be discussed, worked out that you would rather avoid? Be relentlessly honest with yourself about this so you can really make the best choice for yourself.

If it is really a break and not an ending, then  schedule a time to return. Because a break means a temporary suspension and thus carries a return date. Even if during that time you decide you do not want to continue, you should keep that appointment in order to complete the ending and say goodbye.

A number of years ago, after a long and very difficult period in my analysis, when it seemed that we were at an impasse that could not be resolved then, I took a break from analysis. Only I considered it an end, even knowing that I would return to analysis eventually. We spent 6 months winding down, spending time with what ending such a long relationship felt like, with reviewing what had happened, with gains I had made and what I saw remaining for me. It was 6 months very well spent and at the end of that time, I was able to say goodbye and feel good about going. BTW, I did return — 6 years later.

* I often wonder if anyone knows these kinds of references — this one refers to a song from 1910 – “Every Little Movement Has a Meaning All its Own”

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